Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
