I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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