why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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