just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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