I seem to have left my pride at pride
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
