i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I stole a fireplace last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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