I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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