Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
