so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
