3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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