i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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