words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
