He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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