I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we're so committed to being not committed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
