I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
