My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
