We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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