Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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