I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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