I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
