A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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