Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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