I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
