Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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