I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
