did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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