I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So here I am, sexting at work.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
