i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
