Sry I called you an 8
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
