it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
