so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
