yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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