Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
