i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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