I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
