u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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