I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
