I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
