Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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