just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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