i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
