Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
