Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
