I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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