Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
