there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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