"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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