Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
