seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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