We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
