Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
