STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
