dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
