I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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