There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it glows. i had to have it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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