I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
