I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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