My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
