Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
