You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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