he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
