remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
