Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk is not a location!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize