I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
