I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
