Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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