there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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