this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
