FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
