Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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