she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
