I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
