yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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