all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize