if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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