Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
God, I missed his penis.
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