grandma shit on top of the toilet
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
