you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
